Ted

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Seth MacFarlane

June 29, 2012

The opening scene of “Ted” introduces little John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) in a Christmas setting. As we are told by the narrator (Patrick Stewart), John has a tough time getting along with the kids in his neighborhood. He’s even jealous of the Jewish kid who is being battered because “it’s Jesus’s birthday tomorrow.” All John wanted was a friend. Eventually, Christmas morning came around and like many kids, John was busy unwrapping gifts under the Christmas Tree. Upon unwrapping a great big teddy bear and assigning him the name Ted (how creative), he wishes for him to come alive so they can be best friends for life. A shooting star makes this happen.

Word of the miracle talking teddy bear circles the world fast making him an overnight celebrity, making appearances on multiple shows. But just like a true friend, Ted didn’t forget about John. Now we catch up to them in their 30s when they still live together. Ted’s fame has died out and spends his days on the sofa smoking weed, buying hookers, and sharing the same bad habits with John who works at a rental car company. Lori (Mila Kunis), John’s girlfriend, swears that his bromance with Ted is getting in the way of taking their relationship to the next step. She gives him an ultimatum to choose between her or Ted.

Unfortunately, the movie’s plot doesn’t know where to go and eventually cuts to a half-assed kidnapping. It’s a disappointment how well the movie was set up for success but then falls off in the last third of the film. That however doesn’t stop Mark Wahlberg from shining unaccompanied by Ted. He proves that he doesn’t need a computer-generated bear to act and sing. That’s right, for all the Marky Mark fans dying for one last pop song, he sings the theme song to Octopussy. It’s not exactly hip-hop but he does hit the high notes with clarity.

The jokes in the film never let up, but “Ted” wasn’t a stroke of luck for Seth MacFarlane, (who also brilliantly voice acts Ted as he does with all his cartoon characters). “Family Guy”, a comedy T.V. show that has continued to incite laughter for the past two decades (despite multiple attempts at cancellation), is also directed by MacFarlane. Does this prove that a qualified director who can deliver a steady stream of jokes for 300+ T.V. episodes drive a feature-length film with a minimal plot to success?

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